19 Days Since Surgery

It’s been almost three weeks since the Ventriculoperitoneal Codman shunt was placed, and I still don’t feel normal. I was already told years ago that my truck driving days are over because, well, let’s face it, you can’t drive period if you can’t see. My vision comes and goes throughout the day along with IBS symptoms. The pain is excruciating at times that it hurts just to get out of bed.

My only problem is being able to distinguish those pains separate from each other for the conditions that I have. For example, IBS or irritable bowel syndrome has symptoms of gas, abdominal pain, irregular bowel movements, pain during a bowel movement, nausea, vomiting, and many others, but those are the most common. Side effects of a Ventriculoperitoneal shunt or VP shunt have some similarities and some new side effects that I have now been experiencing; nerve pain in the head, on and off blurred vision, loss of balance, abdominal pain, muscle weakness on one side, fatigue, and nausea. However, a hormone imbalance may be a cause of my hot flashes, and missed periods.

My surgeon wants me to keep a record of my daily symptoms to determine how he needs to adjust the setting of the shunt. My right arm weakness has been driving me a little crazy. Trying to keep a grip of a plate, spoon, fork, cup has to be done with my left hand, on several occasions lately, I’ve been losing my grip of items when holding items in my right hand. Plus, my arm feels like I just got done putting it through a hard workout is an understatement. The pain in my abdomen feels like this stinging pain on my pelvic wall gets smaller then larger till I either have a bowel movement or have the sudden urge to urinate. This pain isn’t constant, but when it does happen, the pain lasts anywhere from 10 minutes to a few hours. When I try and lay on my left side I feel this godawful pain in my hip so I’m then, stuck sleeping on my back because I can’t sleep on my right side without making the incisions feel uncomfortably painful or feel something pinch in my belly that feels like I got stung by a thousand bees.

I developed an awkwardly-way to sleep at night. It's best described as a way a pregnant woman would sleep with an enormous pillow. 

It may seem like a very uncomfortable way to sleep but it’s the only way my fat-ass can get any kind of shut-eye. I lay with a body pillow under my ride side alongside my back and another soft, squishy pillow under my belly and left hip. This keeps some of the pressure off of my left hip, allowing me to sleep somewhat comfortable without causing too much discomfort.

I know the good doctor is going to ask me if I feel the shunt was worth placing, my answer would be yes. Despite my symptoms, there are only a few times during the day now that I feel some type of relief of my pain. Losing my sight is the scariest feeling of all. It’s not a matter of how, why, or what but when I will no longer be able to see.

Depression and anxiety seem to be my overcoming force of nature that depletes feelings of joy, happiness and want to do daily activities. I become angry, frustrated, and overly pissed off when I can’t see or keel over in pain when I’m in the middle of trying to make the bed, fold clothes, or even take a shower. My husband has been having to help me more and more. The feeling of no longer being independent makes my depression look like King Tut on a good day. On bad days, I just don’t want to get out of bed. The paranoia that I feel is driving me insane.